Me: "Wow, Jamisen has not let me finish any of these books tonight. He just keeps stopping me and grabbing new ones."
Chris: "It's his version of channel flipping."
Chris: "So, I always cut the bottom of the fried eggs off because they're too difficult for Jamisen to chew.
Me: "Why are you telling me this?"
Chris: "You're in training."
Me: Chris, why aren't you wearing your wedding ring?
Chris: What really matters is what's inside; I don't need to wear it to know my deep commitment to you.
Me: Wrong. Would you like me to go get it for you?
Chris walks in on me doing 300 jumping jacks;
conversation goes like this: "What are you doing?!" (genuinely
horrified) Me: "I'm finishing my work out for the day?" Chris: "Don't!
You'll give the baby a headache! All that jumping up and down!!"
Me: "I think I need to change this shirt. It's not fitting anymore."
Chris: (takes one look at my gym outfit, with the shirt that clearly shows a bulging belly and pants that cut off all circulation around the waist) "Well, I'll tell you one thing, I feel really secure in our relationship right now."
Me: "Global warming is really affecting food production in developing nations."
Chris: "It's not man-made global warming if it's just the earth's natural cycle."
Me: "You need to quit listening to Fox News."
Me: "I'm going to make a list of all the things we need to get done today."
Chris: "Can you put on there that Chris needs to relax?"
Me: "These new maternity jeans are too big. They're sagging in the butt."
Chris: "Keep them a week. You'll fill 'em in."
Chris: "We should think about teaching Jamisen a foreign language while he's young."
Me: "That is a great idea! What language should we choose? Chinese seems to be a safe bet. I'll find a tutor and arrange a language playgroup at our house where everyone can chip in some money and all the kids can learn Chinese!"
Chris: "Um, I was just saying we should think about it, not design and enroll kids in a language school."
My dad, getting in the car after a grocery trip with a full grocery bag, asks my Mom a question.
Me: "Dad, Mom's not in the car."
Dad: "What?!"
Chris: "How did you lose her in a grocery store?"
Me: "Wait. Don't you have the wallet so she can't pay for anything?"
Dad gets out if car and wanders back inside store.
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