On breastfeeding: "Finally on the third day my milk came in. I couldn't believe it. My body was actually producing food. It was like dispensing jelly beans out of my elbow."
On the stages of pregnancy: "Stage 5: You feel enormous and none of your maternity clothes fit. You want to crash through walls and shout "oh yeah!" like the KoolAid man. People keep saying "Haven't you had that baby yet?" You have a new appreciation for how difficult it is for the elderly and morbidly obese to get around and swear you're going to become an advocate for their rights once you catch your breath. You're no longer scared of birth you just want this kid out of you and if that means pulling it through your right nostril, so be it. "
On things they don't tell you about AFTER giving birth: "7. You might hate your husband. I have two theories of nature. One, babies look like their fathers when they are born so the father is reassured that the baby is his and won't take off. Two, nature takes care of you not conceiving right after giving birth by making you want to punch in his face every time you see him. Again, it's probably hormone related. Again, this isn't always the case but I'm just warning you that you might stare at his peaceful sleeping face at 2am and wonder what the hell the point of him is and how can that son of a bitch just lie there sleeping like while you try to get your baby to sleep for the umpteenth time. You're not alone and a jury full of mothers with newborns wouldn't convict you if you bludgeoned him to death with a breast pump. That said, he may be worth keeping around so take a deep breath and ignore the urge......for now."
Things Never to Say to a Pregnant Woman "Should you be eating that?" This whole website is about people embellishing myths and half truths to scare the crap out of pregnant ladies. So unless she's about to accidentally snack on dog sh** , don't say anything and let the poor girl eat.
Read more about that list here.
On one of the Pros for formula feeding:
"You can drink tequila and shoot heroin to your heart's content."
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